After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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