She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
