Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
