How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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