how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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