I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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