I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He better not be in your backpack
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Your penis caused this!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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