I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
