Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
