DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
