I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
