I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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