the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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