I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
