Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She bit a glass in half.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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