the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
