I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
