New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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