If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
