I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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