i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
