Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
