woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
