I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
