Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
