Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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