I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
