I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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