Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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