You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
