Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
