I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
