His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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