Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Success! We fucked roommates!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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