He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
