Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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