a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
