What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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