you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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