sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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