Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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