I wish my penis had an off switch
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
