Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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