i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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