Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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