I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
