There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
