For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
