I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
