I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i think i just lost a toe
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
