End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
