I got chris browned last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
