No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
