I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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